Adalia Aborisade's Roadmap to Financial Freedom & Travel & Why She Says It's Never Too Late To Live Life on Your Own Terms

[00:00:00] Welcome to Black Expat Stories, the show where we dive deep into the experiences of Black

[00:00:04] people across the diaspora who have boldly decided to immigrate abroad in search of a better life.

[00:00:09] I'm your host Courtney Bowden and I'm a Black American writer who also took the leap of faith

[00:00:14] and moved overseas. Joining you for my own slice of paradise right here in Pladdle Carme,

[00:00:19] Mexico, today's virtual of which takes us to one of my favorite places, Mexico City.

[00:00:24] You're going to meet Adalia, a financial educator and relocation specialist guiding women

[00:00:29] to financial freedom and location independence. Before her international move, Adalia spent

[00:00:34] two decades in the state as an overworked and underpaid educator. Now she travels the world

[00:00:39] and only works when she wants. In this conversation we'll explore her leap into Expat Life

[00:00:44] following a pivotal divorce, how she navigated in international move as a single mother of a teenager,

[00:00:50] what financial freedom means to her and how she's achieved it and her extensive experiences

[00:00:55] living in countries like China and Kuwait. Get ready for another riveting conversation that's

[00:01:00] sure to inspire your wanderlust. Here's my conversation with Adalia. Hi Adalia, welcome to the show.

[00:01:09] Hi, thanks for having me. Oh, absolutely. So I'm really excited about this conversation because

[00:01:18] one you are based in one of my favorite places, Mexico City, and two you have an interesting

[00:01:25] X-pat journey and I'm looking forward to diving into it. So as I like to start with all of my guests,

[00:01:33] what was the catalyst for moving abroad? And where did you begin your X-pat journey?

[00:01:39] The word catalyst makes me think of a single incident or event and it really wasn't that way for me.

[00:01:48] I had always wanted to live outside the US. When I was younger, I thought it was going to be Canada

[00:01:57] in high school. I thought possibly it was going to be France because I was studying French

[00:02:03] but those dreams were put on hold because of life and it really wasn't until I took back control

[00:02:14] of my life right after turning 40 that I was taking stock of everything in my life and was determined

[00:02:24] to live whatever years I had left in such a way that there were no regrets.

[00:02:31] I was not spending time doing any thing I did not thoroughly enjoy. And I just remember sitting

[00:02:38] down one day thinking about there was a obvious value misalignment between me and the United States.

[00:02:48] And I did not feel that I could ever be my whole complete self in a country that glorifies

[00:03:00] individualism and American accessionalism and is not very tolerant, it's not very tolerant place.

[00:03:09] So that I don't want to call it an epiphany but that thought process led me to the obvious answer is

[00:03:21] to leave. And despite my dissatisfaction with my career at the time, it was my career that allowed me

[00:03:35] to leave within the next few months because I secured a job at a small international school in

[00:03:43] Honduras. And that is where I first moved to as an expat.

[00:03:49] So you started in Honduras and could you share with our viewers and listeners what your

[00:03:54] profession was? Was in K-12 education for, at that point, 19 years. The vast majority of the time

[00:04:06] was spent in the social sciences history geography but I also worked in instructional technology

[00:04:15] for portion of my career as well. So you got a job opportunity that allowed you to exit the United

[00:04:23] States and begin your expat journey in Honduras. Now I also understand you made that international

[00:04:30] move with your 15 year old at the time, right? Yeah, what was her response? What was her response

[00:04:37] to the idea? And what kind of influence does she have on the decision making for that move?

[00:04:44] Initially because I told you I had always wanted to live abroad. And so

[00:04:50] once I dropped that dead weight of a husband, I was like eventually this will happen for me.

[00:04:58] But she was in like eighth, ninth grade. So I said, I'll wait until she graduates and then

[00:05:07] I thought, why do I have to wait? And so I decided I didn't have to wait.

[00:05:14] I proposed it to my, I said, I am going to do this thing. I would like you to come with me.

[00:05:23] I don't know where I'm going yet but if there is a particular country that you would like to live in,

[00:05:31] I will focus my job search in that country. I also pitched it as a study abroad. Like you don't have

[00:05:42] to finish high school with me. But, I'm not here. See how you like it? If you like it,

[00:05:48] you can stay with me. If you don't like it, you can go back and live with your dad.

[00:05:53] And she was not enthusiastic about an at all. She was like, that's cool for you but

[00:06:02] no thanks. I'm going to stay here. Oh my goodness, it's so interesting because I've met

[00:06:09] some ex-pat families here who have had a similar experience, especially with teenage,

[00:06:16] especially teenagers because they're in school. They have their friends. They have the events.

[00:06:21] They're extracurricular activities. Maybe some of the conveniences that they appreciate

[00:06:27] as a result of living in the state. So she said, that's cute for you. But as for me, I'm good.

[00:06:34] So obviously, she changed her mind. Right? She's not changing her mind.

[00:06:41] Honestly, I think she had a disagreement with her dad and she was like, hey,

[00:06:49] is that all for still on the table? Now by this time, I'd already accepted the job at Honduras

[00:06:56] and told them I was coming by myself. And so I said, I'd love to have you with me, but this is

[00:07:04] where we're going. I don't know if she had been on board in the beginning. I don't know.

[00:07:10] It Honduras is necessarily a country. I would have chosen. But that part had already happened.

[00:07:17] And I talked to the school and they were like, no, it's not a big deal.

[00:07:21] Long as she can meet the injury requirements. She did and she came and she had the time of her life.

[00:07:30] And it was actually a struggle for her to choose to go back to the US. She very much contemplated

[00:07:38] staying abroad. So what inspired her to go back to the United States, ultimately?

[00:07:45] Crime merely it was her involvement in extracurricular. She was in FFA,

[00:07:52] future farmers of America. And she got into that. She'd taken an egg,

[00:07:58] ever called her class when she was in eighth grade. And it's hilarious because I am a city girl

[00:08:05] through and through and through. And that my child was like, but I want to raise a peak.

[00:08:10] It's like where did she get that? Items. I don't know. So she, her desire to do that

[00:08:21] outweighed everything else. So she went back to the States so she could continue with

[00:08:27] the FFA's that she was doing. And she raised several pigs over the next couple of years.

[00:08:34] That's incredible that she got the chance to embark on this new experience, which she was initially

[00:08:40] resistant to. Had the time for life and still was able to go back and pursue her own path.

[00:08:47] And what I think is also interesting and refreshing to hear, especially as a mother,

[00:08:53] because you guys women we are conditioned to put everybody else ahead of ourselves. And so

[00:09:00] what was powerful is what you said was you went to your child and you said, hey,

[00:09:06] this is what I plan on doing. I would love for you to come with me, however here you're out.

[00:09:11] You didn't stop your life. And I think that oftentimes we can do that. And I don't have children.

[00:09:18] So I can't speak definitively from experience on this matter, but I do understand that as

[00:09:26] women we are conditioned to do that and to wait. And so after you reclaim your life,

[00:09:33] what was your family's response to your decision?

[00:09:37] Well, I can speak to it because I had done it for 40 years. I had put everybody's priorities ahead

[00:09:46] of myself and at this point I was like I'm done with that. My family is very small.

[00:09:56] There wasn't, I don't think, and I say this all the time, for the people who map

[00:10:02] there was not a single person when I said, I'm leaving the US that really took a second look.

[00:10:12] It was like of course you are. Now there may have been some folks who had some things to say,

[00:10:18] but they didn't say them to my face. But the people who mattered were all like, oh yeah,

[00:10:25] I'm surprised you hadn't done this already. And why is that? What was it about

[00:10:32] you to them that made it obvious? I'm a map nerd, I'm a geographer at heart. I am the person

[00:10:42] that we're at some restaurant and I can tell you the origin of the nation who these people were

[00:10:47] in all the kind of stuff. You add to that I travel, I love to travel, I travel a lot and so

[00:10:55] if there's any body who's going to uproot their life and go live in another country,

[00:11:01] I seem like the obvious person that to be. Now what I go back to your career as an educator,

[00:11:10] for nearly 20 years you felt like you were overworked and underpaid as an educator in the states.

[00:11:16] Now you travel the world and you only work when you want, which I definitely think that's a

[00:11:20] flex. And I'm sure so many people want to know how have you managed to do this?

[00:11:26] I managed to do it partially because I moved abroad. I think in the US particularly, we get caught

[00:11:34] up with always wanting more. And I think spending 20 years making a teacher salary, you either

[00:11:46] learn to adjust to that or you end up with a whole lot of debt. The way I look at life is,

[00:11:52] okay, I can't do everything. I don't make that kind of money. So what are the things that are

[00:11:59] most important to me? And for me, I wanted to live a life centered on travel. I can travel.

[00:12:07] I can travel quite affordable. And so I started redesigning my life in such a way that it

[00:12:16] centered travel. I'm making sure that my priorities are funded and then I worry about the rest of

[00:12:21] the stuff, wouldn't it? My philosophy is all about, do I have enough money to do the things I want to do?

[00:12:29] And if I've got enough money to do that, how much money I make is not that important. So I left the US

[00:12:36] where I was already not making any money. And I moved to Honduras and took a 60% pay cut.

[00:12:44] Whoa, a 60% pay cut from what you are already making in the states. And we know educators

[00:12:51] are grossly underpaid. Yes, nobody comes to Latin America for the money.

[00:12:58] And even with doing that, I had been saving money for retirement primarily just in a Roth

[00:13:12] I-O-Rag which only now has a contribution limit of $7,000 a year. So I didn't start with that

[00:13:21] much money because I didn't make it. They always say time in the market is more important than

[00:13:28] timing the market. So I just put my money in and I let it do what it was supposed to do. I looked

[00:13:34] around after my time in Honduras and I looked at what my cost of living had been.

[00:13:42] And that's when it really clicked, oh you don't meet near as much money

[00:13:49] as you would if you were still in the US. So that's a big part of it not being in the United

[00:13:57] States because that has lowered my cost of living significantly. And while I was working

[00:14:05] a traditional job, my savings rate was for the for big chunk of time was 50% or more depending.

[00:14:15] When I moved abroad, I could save 70%, 80% of my income. But when I was still in the US,

[00:14:24] it was somewhere between let's say 30 and 50 depending. Saving as much as I could, investing

[00:14:34] and lowering my expenses, it does not take as much money to live this life now.

[00:14:44] As opposed to if I was still in the US trying to live like this.

[00:14:48] Yeah, I think that's a good point that you make, especially for those of us who have relocated

[00:14:54] to Central or Latin America. And that is often a big draw for those who do decide to move.

[00:15:06] And I also think it's interesting that you were able to repower ties your life because you're

[00:15:14] in the States. It is often about accumulating and amassing more. It's like it's never enough.

[00:15:22] And when you either decondition or you arrive in a place where you recognize that,

[00:15:31] no, it doesn't take that much to live, a life, a fulfillment, a joy, of peace. It radically shifts

[00:15:39] the way that you approach your life. And I tell people all the time, moving abroad can certainly

[00:15:45] be a wealth building strategy. Would you agree with that? It can be, but strategy is the key

[00:15:53] part of it. Simply leaving the US is not enough. You've got to have a strategy. You've got

[00:16:00] to prioritize the things that are important. You've got to make sure that you're spending

[00:16:05] aligns with those priorities. Absolutely. And speaking of spending,

[00:16:12] Adalia, you are a financial educator who also empowers other people to design their lives.

[00:16:18] So what does financial freedom mean to you and what has been your approach to achieving financial

[00:16:25] freedom in addition to saving aggressively? Financial freedom for me means being able to

[00:16:37] leave a situation that I don't want to be in and not having to stay because I don't have the

[00:16:46] money. Yeah, can we talk about that though, especially as women and women who partner with men,

[00:16:55] right? Because for those who don't know, it wasn't until 1974 that women could have

[00:17:05] our own bank accounts. And later when we're talking about lines of credit and business ownership,

[00:17:13] etc., so what you're saying seems obvious to maybe some who don't understand just how short of a

[00:17:22] time we have had to achieve an experience financial independent. Exactly. And my life,

[00:17:32] there were times in my life that I made decisions based on how much money I had and that forced

[00:17:42] me to make some decisions that were not glitched for me. I never wanted to be in a situation.

[00:17:50] Again, this is first half of my life. Ooh, not great. But I was determined that this second heart

[00:17:58] would be lived in such a way where I only had to do the things. I only did the things I wanted to

[00:18:04] do. I was no longer bound by obligation. I was no longer bound by, oh, financially. I've got to stay here

[00:18:13] and do this thing. And I'm a B 100% honest and transparent. I didn't start investing in my 20s.

[00:18:24] I was well into my 30s before I started. I was a school teacher, so I made no money. I had no idea

[00:18:33] how poorly I was being paid until I started working with clients who make, I realized how many

[00:18:42] people paid so much more money than I did. So I started late. I didn't have an abundance of money.

[00:18:51] I did not come from people with money. Okay, and I did it the simplest, the easiest way possible.

[00:19:00] I made sure to live within my means, saved, aggressively, invested aggressively. And when I say

[00:19:07] invested, that does not mean that I'm out here trading stocks knowledge. No, because I don't want

[00:19:14] that to be the focus of my life. I want to be able to sip high chocolate at the cafe around

[00:19:21] the corner. I don't want to be thinking about trades. So when I say a reset, my portfolio was heavily

[00:19:29] installed as opposed to violence. I don't mean I'm doing like crazy risky things. All of that

[00:19:37] coupled with being outside of the United States because all of a sudden, the amount of money you

[00:19:46] need to achieve that kind of freedom is significant reless. Right now they're talking about

[00:19:53] if you want to do an average retirement in the United States, you're going to need two

[00:19:59] two and a half million dollars. On top of that, they're talking about raising the retirement age

[00:20:08] to 70, right? So it's by design that we are to work until we die, the average person.

[00:20:18] So you decided that wasn't how you were going to go out at all. I love the message that you

[00:20:27] have about not being too late because I think that also in our society, we're conditioned to

[00:20:35] prioritize youth and to say if you haven't made it by 30 or whatever age, then you're ain't going

[00:20:44] to make it. It's too late but you are here as a shining example of what is possible. And now you

[00:20:49] empower other women to take charge of their finances so they can design a life they love too.

[00:20:55] What resources it's important to you offer? I offer one coaching. I also am in the process

[00:21:05] of launching a financial confidence again because that to me is at the core of what a lot of women

[00:21:13] are missing. They are missing the confidence to make financial decisions and you can't delegate

[00:21:22] that to somebody else. There's a saying about you can't put your happiness in the hands of other

[00:21:26] people because they will drop it every time the same is true when it comes to your money. And I

[00:21:32] am a living example that anybody can do this. So I have a group coaching program that kind of covers

[00:21:41] all of the financial topics that like which we would have learned from our parents or we wish

[00:21:47] we would have learned in school so that you are empowered enough to make those decisions,

[00:21:53] to be able to have a conversation with it when it's benefits sign up time at the job. And

[00:21:59] you're trying to find figure out this 401k thing. The people in HR will only answer the questions

[00:22:05] you ask. If you don't know what questions to ask, they're not going to be very helpful to you.

[00:22:12] So that's really where my work focuses and in this last year I've come find all of the things

[00:22:21] that I like to do. I like to talk about money but I also, as you mentioned, to help women who

[00:22:28] want to change their life, figure out how to do that because for literally 40 years I was a very

[00:22:37] sad and miserable person. And I thought some people got to come to the earth and have really good

[00:22:42] lives and some people didn't and I just happened to look out and was one of those people who didn't

[00:22:47] get to get to have work but it wasn't too late for me. It is not too late for anybody. And so

[00:22:55] I partnered with a friend of mine who is a life and leadership coach and we have created

[00:23:02] reclaimed the retreat. It is a combination of all the things, coaching, travel, learning of

[00:23:13] cultural exchange, learning about other people from in other countries, from the people live there

[00:23:21] all while helping women and children's build community with other folks who are trying to do the same

[00:23:28] say because you asked about how my family and friends react. I was so determined it didn't matter

[00:23:39] what other people were going to say but that's because I was coming from a very low place but I

[00:23:44] realized for a lot of folks not having other people in their lives who want to do something different,

[00:23:51] who want to do something big, can hold them back. And so a big element of our retreat is finding

[00:23:59] being your people. Those people you can text on a bus app, a call and be like, I'm trying to figure

[00:24:05] out should I move to this country? How do I do this and that? And you've got somebody

[00:24:11] thrown, yeah I'm trying to do the same thing as well. So in a portion of the coaching we do there,

[00:24:18] some of it is financial coaching, some of it is life coaching but those things I do and then of course

[00:24:27] there's the YouTube channel where I share my experience and I also interview Black women who are

[00:24:38] doing incredible things in the same thing. That's awesome and I can definitely

[00:24:48] testify to the power of like-minded community especially when you are considering or preparing

[00:24:55] for such a life-changing decision, like moving abroad. So many people, especially pre-pandemic,

[00:25:04] felt like that they didn't have many spaces where they could get the resources and get the

[00:25:12] support of the encouragement and also the accountability to move forward with their plans. And in

[00:25:18] this season of the show we are focusing on spaces, the spaces that Black expats create so that

[00:25:26] other people can achieve freedom, healing and belonging and it sounds like you have done just that.

[00:25:33] Hey friends, I want to take a quick moment to let you know that if you want to dive deeper and

[00:25:37] unlock more advice and insights on expat life then I encourage you to become a friend of the show.

[00:25:42] You'll also access other behind the scenes and bonus content you won't see anywhere else.

[00:25:47] Just head over to blackxpatstores.com slash support to upgrade your access now back to the show.

[00:25:56] I want to talk about country hopping because you have extensive experience with

[00:26:04] travel and living all over the world. You've lived in China, of course Honduras,

[00:26:10] Kuwait and now right here in Mexico. What were some of your criteria for choosing a location

[00:26:17] and how have those evolved throughout your travels? Before I am relapsed,

[00:26:25] I had this table I made, a country shopping table where I was going to compare us in shop countries.

[00:26:33] And I mentioned there is a values misalignment. There's a values misalignment between

[00:26:39] me and the United States and so that's where I started. What are those things

[00:26:46] that are important to me? Treatment of women, quality of women,

[00:26:53] availability of universal health care, things like that, my ability to get a visa because I

[00:27:01] realized I was not going to be out here on the tourist visa. I wanted to have the legal right to

[00:27:07] upload in a country and how hard was it going to be for me to learn the language because I was

[00:27:16] really open to a lot of places. That evolved. I heard this inner voice that was like,

[00:27:25] you really should learn Spanish. So that's what took my initial job hunt to Latin America,

[00:27:35] which is wild because in high school I took Spanish and Latin, French and Latin because I

[00:27:40] didn't like the way Spanish sounded. Wow full of soccer moments. Yeah so here I am at my 40s.

[00:27:50] Oh no, I want to learn Spanish. And I knew I would need to be able to travel from whatever country this

[00:27:59] was. So I moved to Honduras and I knew that was not going to be a foreverplace group. It was

[00:28:06] a means to an end. However, living life in Honduras helped me really gain clarity on how

[00:28:16] important mass trends it was to me. Exactly what is it? How shall we classify international airports

[00:28:25] because I thought the name really means something and really all it means is that there is one flight

[00:28:32] from outside the country. It means nothing about connected connectivity to other places in the world,

[00:28:40] bandsort of things. So after I left Honduras, I had a very clear idea of what I wanted and was

[00:28:50] set to go and look and I had narrowed it down to two places that I thought would be a good fit

[00:28:57] that looked like a good fit on paper and that was Medaging Columbia and Mexico City. What broke

[00:29:03] the tie for you between Medaging and Mexico City? Nothing. Things did not grow like things

[00:29:09] opposed to. I had a two-year contract in Honduras and then toward the end of the first year they

[00:29:17] were like, hey we got a restructure because there's been a drop of enrollment. This school was

[00:29:22] tight. My daughter was like one of six or seven softwares. Oh, I am in school. So any fluctuation in

[00:29:32] enrollment is going to make a difference in the bottom line. And so they're proposal to me because I

[00:29:38] had a non-teaching position primarily. I taught one college level class. They were like,

[00:29:47] what we need is for you basically to teach all of high school social studies and keep doing your

[00:29:53] current job and maybe we can find a site that you mean the job that was already being underpaid

[00:30:05] to do. So you're asking me to do all of volunteer bases. Yeah, and I said, no thank you.

[00:30:15] And I will not, I will be back. And so I had purchased a ticket to Mexico City for a kind of

[00:30:25] low-c thing over the summer and the plan was to do the same in Columbia the next year.

[00:30:33] But because of what happened with my job, all of a sudden that ticket for a scouting trip

[00:30:40] turned into oh I'm moving to Mexico and I'll just use that week to figure out what

[00:30:46] name room that I want like it. Oh my gosh! What a change. And I think that's that also speaks to the nature

[00:30:58] of this experience and what I have learned throughout my experience as an expert is the power

[00:31:07] of adaptability, flexibility, and being open to things not necessarily working out the way that you

[00:31:16] might plan them. But being open also to the possibility that your plan may not be the best plan

[00:31:23] and something better could be presented to you. I know that you were in China or Asia

[00:31:35] during the first COVID outbreak, that must have been quite an experience. What was it like for you?

[00:31:43] I have a very cynical nature. And so I wasn't afraid it was a very weird place to be because

[00:31:56] I don't speak Mandarin, so the media I was consuming at the time was Western media primarily

[00:32:04] media. So I'm being greeted with these scenes of people hoarding toilet paper, there's shortages

[00:32:13] at the grocery stores all of this because when the outbreak that the timing of the outbreak was horrible

[00:32:19] it was right at Lunar New Year, which is the largest migration of people in the world because

[00:32:26] everybody who's working in the cities in China you go home to your village. So right at the

[00:32:33] beginning of this, we're millions, hundreds of millions of people are traveling. We have the

[00:32:41] outbreak of the super contagious disease and we don't know what it is or how you get it and all of that.

[00:32:47] So I'm watching that but by the time I got back from Lunar New Year vacation everything was already

[00:32:54] locked down. And so my apartment community was already restricting coming in and coming out

[00:33:02] and struggling to get in because they're trying to figure out like why don't you have your

[00:33:05] little pass and I'm like I just got back to the country. So lockdown, I was in my apartment,

[00:33:13] there was plenty of food on the shelves. I was good. My big concern was I didn't want to get sick

[00:33:22] because I had already had some experience with the Chinese medical system. And on a good day,

[00:33:28] I don't want that. The last thing I wanted to do was be in that, not speak Mandarin and I had this

[00:33:38] fear could be completely irrational that I could end up disappeared because there would be these

[00:33:46] video clips on WeChat going around where like people were protesting against being locked down

[00:33:54] and like people would jump out in bands and net with nets and carry them off somewhere. So

[00:34:01] my big concern, I didn't want to get sick because I didn't want to have to interact with the

[00:34:07] Chinese government or the Chinese medical establishment. So I was content to be in my apartment,

[00:34:15] teaching online. I was not happy when we had to go back to work because it was fairly as far as

[00:34:23] interaction. It was one of the better times in China because I had less interaction with the Chinese,

[00:34:29] but that's a story for another day. Wow, okay. So you didn't want to interact with the healthcare

[00:34:39] system and you already had an experience. What was that experience like? When you get a piece to come

[00:34:47] work in China, you have to do a medical thing before you leave and then as you get there,

[00:34:54] they want to check because you have to make sure you're not writing it. They want to make sure you

[00:34:57] all have diseases blah blah blah. And the facility in which this was happening, I just did not

[00:35:04] see the sanitary for cost of being taken that I felt should have been taken like they're seeing

[00:35:13] me and this role of strange people and they're like take off your shirt or you go to give them the

[00:35:21] urine sample and there's no cell, there's no toilet paper and really because the people who work with

[00:35:28] me were Canadian they were like you go into the clinic tomorrow, make sure you bring this in this

[00:35:34] because they're not going to happen. So that one experience was enough for me to be like, oh no,

[00:35:40] I don't want this. So when moving abroad, Adalia, I know that a country's healthcare system

[00:35:48] is often one of the main considerations like you mentioned in your crisis area and having lived

[00:35:54] in countries with varying systems, which countries healthcare system and we know it's not China.

[00:36:00] Now, well, which countries healthcare system? But most of the line with your own wellness approach

[00:36:08] I'm what's saying Mexico, pre-pandemic because I know Mexico is not a place that comes to my

[00:36:16] where people think about like socialize medicine but in the Mexican constitution, there are actually

[00:36:24] a lot of like human rights kinds of things as well as the access to healthcare. My plan was to get

[00:36:36] once I got my residency was to buy into the public health system here. It's not the greatest,

[00:36:43] but it was like heart the first step in my plan. But I left China and came back here to Mexico

[00:36:53] and I witnessed the public health system basically collapse and so I was like, oh okay,

[00:37:02] that plan we're going to have to rethink that plan because that's not going to work.

[00:37:08] But the ability to get right bit healthcare for me as a foreigner is very accessible.

[00:37:23] I would agree with that. Adalia, another key consideration when making an international move is safety

[00:37:29] insecurity. You moved with your daughter as a single mom and given the varying political and social

[00:37:37] climates across various countries. How did you and how do you approach safety for yourself

[00:37:44] and the communities? How do you safely engage with the communities that you're surrounded by?

[00:37:50] I think in some people and I like what I love about to say. First it's coming to terms with the

[00:37:57] notion that safety is an illusion. We are not safe anywhere. I am a black woman.

[00:38:05] I am not safe anywhere. There is no magical place I can go, that's going to be quote-unquote

[00:38:11] safe. And so once you come to peace with that, you understand that it's really about minimizing

[00:38:21] griss. I do that in the way that I would anywhere else. I'm going to be out at night

[00:38:29] and I am walking down streets where there are other people. I am making sure that I don't

[00:38:35] enough flash-cheat. You walk with purpose. You don't look scared confused like prey.

[00:38:45] But at the same time, you are ready if because that's the other thing. I think people get

[00:38:51] mold into this false sense of security like oh, this is a safe neighborhood. So I don't have to

[00:38:57] worry about x, y and z. And no, those things can happen anywhere in any time. With Mexico City being

[00:39:05] as large of a city it is given its reputation. I get asked a lot about that.

[00:39:12] And my answer is I actually feel safe for a year than I do in Texas. Where I'm from?

[00:39:25] Yeah, I look, I say this all the time. I feel safer here than I did feel in the states.

[00:39:33] And to your point, it is not this delusional idea of safety. It is for me a large part of it

[00:39:45] is psychological safety, which I didn't realize how important it was until I landed here.

[00:39:52] When you're not constantly looking over your shoulder and you're not constantly expecting

[00:39:59] to be targeted because of how you look or what have you. It is incredibly free. So thank you

[00:40:08] for sharing that. And having lived so many places, how have you been able to tap into the

[00:40:15] community and the surrounding cultures? Here in, because this is the only place I have lived where

[00:40:24] I've actually gotten to choose where I live. And so I made it. It was always a given that I would

[00:40:32] live in a local neighborhood because one of my goals is to improve my Spanish. That is an ongoing

[00:40:40] goal. Doesn't seem like there's ever going to be an end to it. But the only way that's going to work

[00:40:45] for me is if I in an environment where the expectation is that I speak Spanish and that

[00:40:52] I'm around those bit native Spanish speakers. So I've made a very conscious choice about the

[00:40:59] neighborhoods that I have lived in. I have taken, because I am an introverted introvert. I've never

[00:41:08] had gone to a chat. Somebody saw so stranger. That's not how I happened. So I take the things that

[00:41:14] I am interested in. And I will take the class or grow to the group and the whole thing is in

[00:41:21] Spanish. And the audience is intended to be local Mexicans. Now, how successful that has all been?

[00:41:29] It's very. Yes, but that's a good one way that I have been able to connect with the local community

[00:41:39] here where I worked in Honduras. Some of the staff at the school that's where they live,

[00:41:50] that's where they're from and so sparking friendships with them. And when the ladies, the

[00:41:56] kindergarten teachers, the local kindergarten teachers and getting together to go out for a

[00:42:00] drink. I don't understand how it was being said. So yeah, and that's another beautiful part

[00:42:10] about this experience is that you can immerse yourself in culture and one of the most, one of the best ways

[00:42:17] to do that is by diving into the language. And even though you may start out not understanding or

[00:42:26] comprehending everything that's being said, where you may not feel as confident in conversation,

[00:42:31] eventually you start to it's almost like your ears get tuned. Start to get tunes with the language.

[00:42:43] And I experienced this moment when I was sitting at a restaurant with my husband and we were having

[00:42:48] a conversation but I was also here hustling on another conversation in Spanish. And I got so excited

[00:42:54] because I'm like, oh my god, I know what they said. I know everything that they said. It's almost like

[00:43:01] you are a radio tuner tuning into a different station. I think of language learning like that.

[00:43:09] And when you finally get that static key that awkward, static key phase out it becomes easier

[00:43:18] to pick up all things because language is really a pattern. So I appreciate you bringing that

[00:43:23] up because it is important to immerse yourself in culture through language. Now, Adalia,

[00:43:33] and I should also say this before I move on to my next question because having visited Mexico City,

[00:43:38] like Mexico City is very different from Plyo Carmen in that you got to speak Spanish. Like they

[00:43:45] are not headling you with kids gloves at all. I remember like landing and I tried to speak Spanish

[00:43:54] anyway sometimes I just give up and just start going into English and it's it is really less of that.

[00:44:01] They're then here in Plyo and it forced me to to speak and to put myself out there because I think

[00:44:12] another part of language learning to get over is the ego of being wrong or sounding crazy or whatever.

[00:44:20] And what I can appreciate about living here specifically the Mexican people in my experience

[00:44:27] have been very welcoming and when you attempt they meet you where you are. And I've had all kinds

[00:44:35] of teachers I've had taxi drivers as teachers. I've had shopkeepers as Spanish teachers and when you

[00:44:43] do try you pick up on so much. I'm talking that for great because yes you are right here

[00:44:52] you need to have some vocabulary because there are likely to be more English speakers here

[00:45:01] because of the city but they're not evenly distributed. So if you're anywhere like outside

[00:45:06] as a bubble you probably on your own I took that for granted because when I moved to China I was

[00:45:13] like you speak three words of Mandarin you should really like try and learn some of the language

[00:45:19] and I have never encountered people except in China where I'm obviously for I am trying to speak

[00:45:30] the language and they were like there was no oh I think you're trying to or you tried to say this

[00:45:39] no it was over and over again and eventually I said I'm done. I just resorted to pointing to things

[00:45:51] and taking a picture of what I want and then show a little my phone so I really took that for granted

[00:45:59] when I lived here before because even even like in my neighborhood where like store owners and whatnot

[00:46:07] they don't speak English but I learned to say very really on I'm sorry my Spanish is not very good

[00:46:17] and then I say whatever I guess they and they're like don't worry about it we go and work this out

[00:46:24] right they put the pieces together so why do you think that over in China you were met with

[00:46:30] those blank stairs when you were attempting to speak Mandarin and used to always say it's a cultural

[00:46:37] thing are you always say that China does not hear about you the foreigner you as a person who

[00:46:44] doesn't feel like China does not hear so you know as a traveler you go to other countries you

[00:46:51] use websites there's usually an English button there's something to list your sentence not a single

[00:46:56] Chinese app has a translation feature in it other outside of we checked which is like what's

[00:47:06] nothing does so here I am like the solo traveler who's always giving me a phone and Google maps

[00:47:14] I go anywhere Google is banned in China so that means I have to use by do maps it's in Mandarin

[00:47:23] I'll re-mandering there is no English translate but I'm trying to order food on the food order app

[00:47:31] there's no translate and because they use characters and not the letters we do I can't even

[00:47:38] type it into Google translate I've got to screenshot it then close the app coming to Google

[00:47:44] upload the picture try and make sure to what it says it is not a culture and if you think about

[00:47:52] it from a historical perspective it makes sense it is a culture that has been around for a long time

[00:47:59] that doesn't have a lot of use for the outside world so to speak so it doesn't shock me

[00:48:09] but I just had in that particular instance I had never interacted I've been to more than 50

[00:48:16] countries I have never been someplace where folks weren't liked all this poor little foreigner is trying

[00:48:23] their best but they can't speak our tunnel language let me try and they were absolutely not

[00:48:32] so it sounds like for anybody watching and listening if China is on your radar you want to be mindful

[00:48:39] of these things and I have come to learn that a lot of the ways in which we act and we show up

[00:48:49] our cultural and before we demonize it is that's so bad or that's so sad that they don't

[00:48:56] help you out it's just different cultural it's different it's not right it's not wrong it's just different

[00:49:04] and either you can live with that or you can't it's not I don't want anybody think I'm

[00:49:13] passing a judgment on it but it was a different experience that taught me oh no you would rather be in an

[00:49:21] environment where you can actually read the less and that it's a culture of helpless

[00:49:31] yeah and that is as I have evolved in my own journey of living abroad I have added some of those things

[00:49:41] as criteria as values that are important to me because you got to communicate and if that one piece

[00:49:48] that important piece is incredibly difficult or you encounter a lot of resistance it is going to

[00:49:55] make your experience very difficult and it may discourage you so thank you for sharing that

[00:50:06] now Adalia how do you balance your interactions between the local community and

[00:50:13] the expat communities of the places that you find yourself in if at all and what benefits have

[00:50:20] you found in each I know that you said you are very intentional living in local neighborhoods

[00:50:29] and socializing, socializing also learn language but what is that balance what is that

[00:50:36] meaning please other expats communicating in fellowship with other expats and the local community

[00:50:44] I'm not doing very well I don't balance that when very good partially because I am an

[00:50:50] introvert but also partially because as much as I want to learn Spanish as much as I want to be

[00:50:58] fluent the minute I engage in a Spanish language conversation it is fighter flight and I am trying

[00:51:06] to figure out how can I in this as quickly as possible so maybe that's just anxiety but what

[00:51:13] that does is it makes it very hard to cultivate friendships with folks who don't speak English so

[00:51:22] I admit it's so much easier to hang out with black Americans, black Jamaicans, whoever else

[00:51:33] because we can communicate in English. I know that this is a problem it is one of the I am working on

[00:51:40] but it is a work in progress I would like to have more local friends at this age and my

[00:51:51] life here I would really like to have more local friends but I got to work through whatever

[00:51:56] this language anxiety thing is I have going on because I don't want anybody to feel like

[00:52:05] they have to talk to me in English if you're made in languages Spanish that I want that to be the

[00:52:12] language of our friendship I don't because I know the work I have to do to be able to hold a

[00:52:19] conversation in Spanish I don't want you to have to do that kind of heavy lifting in your own

[00:52:24] country just to hang out with me no so I need to work on that balance. It sounds like you are conscious

[00:52:34] about how you show up and how you engage and that's another part of the expert experience that

[00:52:43] I think we should have more conversations around is immigrating mindfully. I think that

[00:52:51] being American citizens we are often conditioned to believe that our language, our culture

[00:53:02] is number one and everybody else needs to cater to us but the beauty of travel and even

[00:53:10] more specifically the beauty of experthood or immigrating or immigrating however you want to refer to that

[00:53:18] is it does force you to confront some of those privileges that we may have that we may not feel

[00:53:28] we have where we come from but we definitely carry some privilege so thank you for mentioning that

[00:53:34] because it demonstrates that you are a migrating mindfully. It's very important for me to be mindful

[00:53:41] of how I move in this space because this is not the country I was born in I am always grateful

[00:53:49] that they allow me to be here and I try and as a black woman trying to be mindful of privilege

[00:54:00] when I've never had privilege before that's a weird thing there but it's trippy.

[00:54:08] I am can do try to be mindful of that. Speaking of mindfulness,

[00:54:14] Adalia when I speak to experts they have so many questions and admittedly I don't know everything

[00:54:22] I'm only about three years into my own journey but speaking to someone like you who has been doing

[00:54:29] this for several years and reflecting on your own extensive experience what piece of advice

[00:54:36] can you give to those who are thinking about making their own move abroad we've you've covered a

[00:54:42] lot and I think that those who are considering it have already you've dropped many gems but

[00:54:49] we're somewhere to ask you for one piece of advice what would you tell them?

[00:54:55] My biggest thing is you can't have expectations of another place of another people

[00:55:06] because those expectations set you up to get your feelings hurt. You have to embark on this

[00:55:14] moves being completely open and being flexible. I think that there's anything that will

[00:55:23] sink your journey abroad it is inflexibility in any and every way you can have had.

[00:55:32] Yeah I can see how that can be true and so what are some lessons or insights

[00:55:39] that you wish you had known before starting your journey? Not saying that you could have known

[00:55:45] because a lot of this is experiential but what do you wish looking back man I think would have been

[00:55:51] great to know that before you. This is very trivial but this is what popped in my head when

[00:55:59] I moved to Honduras and Honduras is a special case because it's not a place that gets lots of

[00:56:07] foreigners looking there so when you start doing your Google's and you're looking for blogs

[00:56:13] and all of that there just wasn't anything. I did not the whole and it's a Latin thing

[00:56:22] like the kissing people you don't know? Oh hey hello and here let me kiss you in your face

[00:56:30] I was at your prepared for that that caught me completely all the art and I was like oh that's

[00:56:37] I think that at least in America we are taught we're conditioned to have some type of personal space

[00:56:47] like a bubble and respect that and it can be different when we are in these places because

[00:56:54] that was jarring for me as well so do you consider yourself an affectionate person or only with

[00:57:01] people that you know how does that work for you? I'm not like some people will say oh I'm a

[00:57:05] hugger I might hug you I might not but I am not going to be touching people I don't know

[00:57:13] and so people not knowing me it just automatically touching me and kissing me I was surprised

[00:57:22] and it took a little getting used to saying. Just another way to show love. It is, it is

[00:57:28] and I was trying to think if there's anything that was like lying for death or something

[00:57:36] I would think is more substantive. No this isn't helpful so the Blacksett movement is gaining momentum

[00:57:45] I always say that he is not a moment, it's a movement and we are on the press of this of some

[00:57:53] major changes that will have a ripple effect across our entire diaspora. So what are you most excited

[00:58:02] about when you think about the Blacksett movement and the attention that it's getting and the

[00:58:08] momentum that's building around it? I think the thing that excites me is that more of our people are

[00:58:16] realizing that we have options that there are places in and I'm not on the eve I tell

[00:58:26] me like all the racism exists everywhere yes it does but racism is not lethal everywhere

[00:58:35] and oh say that again and people forget the Black American experience is very

[00:58:46] specific and for us racism is often lethal so when I see more and more of us saying I got to get out of this

[00:58:58] I got to leave the US I'm like yes because there are places you can go where people will just be

[00:59:03] mildly clasped towards you but nobody's going to physically harm you because of who you are what

[00:59:10] you look like so the idea that there's a broadening mindset oh we don't have to stay here and keep

[00:59:22] suffering under this regime that there are options and hearing and seeing more Black people

[00:59:32] really believe that those options are available and accessible to them. Black people leaving the US

[00:59:40] is not true it is I feel it is far more accessible to somebody who is not a celebrity somebody who's

[00:59:51] not a celebrated artist and that sort of thing. It was a geography teacher from Texas and here I am

[00:59:59] absolutely we have luminaries like Nina Simone, Lenxton Hughes, James Ball when my and Loo

[01:00:08] who did take the leap and some of them lived abroad for a time and some of them came back

[01:00:15] but you're right this is not new we're not new to this we are true to this and ever since the dawn

[01:00:21] of time we have migrated and I just am of the belief that we belong wherever our feet

[01:00:30] tread and one of the most powerful things about this movement is that more people I'm starting to see

[01:00:38] are believing that to be true for themselves as well. So what are some of your concerns when you think

[01:00:45] about the Blacks movement? Particularly because I live here in this city which as a friend of mine

[01:00:52] calls it is the city of city you can imagine like all of the things you associate with big cities

[01:01:00] Mexico City has them and if you are not in I said go into it with no expectations but you also do

[01:01:10] me to understand how places work and that how things work back home is not having to work there so

[01:01:19] hiring them a dad. So I am concerned about folks who don't who let that flexibility that

[01:01:28] when faced with what is just a reality of life living in a place their reaction is

[01:01:39] this is wrong or they shouldn't be doing this let's think about how those things works here

[01:01:47] so I am concerned that I guess this is a long-witted way to say I am concerned that some

[01:01:55] people are choosing destinations because other Black people chose them and not being critical

[01:02:03] about does this place fit me and the life I want to live. I talk about I have a profound love for

[01:02:15] Mexico City but this place is not for everybody and I would hate that somebody's oh I tell you

[01:02:24] loves Mexico City I'm going to move there they get here and they're like oh my gosh it is crowded

[01:02:30] it is loud it is expensive and it's not the same experience for them as it was me because they didn't

[01:02:40] really take a moment to really evaluate what they're looking for and then in home so that concerns me

[01:02:50] that's a legitimate concern and it's one of the reasons why Black X-pat stories exist as a platform

[01:02:56] because we are diving deep into these X-pat journeys and I also understand that people

[01:03:05] are making their decisions based off of the content that they are encountering on social media

[01:03:11] and oftentimes it can be glamorized and once people land in the place that they've chosen

[01:03:19] based on somebody else it can be a route awakening so thank you for sharing that and mentioning

[01:03:26] that it is certainly something for aspiring X-pat to think about. Before wrap up

[01:03:32] for those who are inspired by your journey this has been an incredible conversation and I'm so

[01:03:39] grateful that we have gotten the chance to get connected where can folks connect with you to learn more

[01:03:46] about you, about your financial confidence academy and the support that you offer to other women

[01:03:53] who want to live a life of financial freedom. Probably the best place to find me is on YouTube

[01:04:01] I have a YouTube channel it is called Picky Girl Travels the World. That's me. I'm the

[01:04:08] Picky Girl. I am I may pick a eater but turns out I'm picky about some other things too

[01:04:14] sell to make fits in multiple ways. I have a lot of videos I go live pretty much every week

[01:04:21] and discuss all of these things my life abroad, traveling a lot of it is a black woman,

[01:04:28] financial topics, what are the realities of living this life as a single black woman

[01:04:37] all of those kinds of days and also on Instagram, Genre and T, the one to T in quality of the

[01:04:49] content I've got out is the great but if you want them some regular every day kind of stuff,

[01:04:55] you do. Great. Dalia thank you so much again for taking the time to stop by the show

[01:05:03] and share your journey share these incredible insights from your expansive experience

[01:05:10] and I look forward to even more conversations in the future. Thank you.

[01:05:18] Thanks for listening and watching as we continue exploring the journeys of black

[01:05:22] expats finding freedom, healing and belonging across the globe. Are you feeling inspired to embark

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